Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Ch-ch-ch changes

I've been having a lot of regret about the house we bought, which is lovely but has some issues. Also, Lily has been struggling socially at school, and we are considering letting her spend a couple of days at a Waldorf school in town, Hartsbrook, to see if she likes it enough to switch. Bement, where she goes now, is a traditional prep school, so this would be a big change, although Hartsbrook is traditional in its own way.

She would have to go back a grade, however, because there's no room in the 5th grade but there is in the 4th. The cutoff is later in NYC so she's the youngest in her grade now. She'd be right in the middle if she were in the fourth grade at Hartsbrook.

Anyway, I've been feeling some regret about putting her in this school and not even considering Hartsbrook (I let my anti-Waldorf prejudices blind me) and about moving to Amherst, and not Northampton originally, and about buying this house and not another one, blah, blah, blah.

And then, at 1:00 am this morning, I woke out of a sound sleep to a strange cry that sounded like maybe a cougar snarl, followed immediately by a very loud "who-who-who-who." We are right on the woods and in fact do have things like cougars here. But who knows, maybe I dreamed it. And I realized as I woke up from whatever dream I was in, with these lingering regrets, that I didn't make a mistake two years ago. I was just different. And now I've changed.

I moved here to embrace change, and I have changed, and my needs are now different. The move has done what I'd hoped--although when you start to change things it's hard to remember that you don't get a say in what changes, necessarily, or what the results are of the changes. But that's okay. And anyway, realizing that I simply have changed made me feel a lot better and more relaxed about the decisions we've made.

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